From MillaMilla will be posting messages here from time to time.
hey everybody! what an unbelievably exciting time for me right now... i would have to say THE most exciting time in my life so far! i am pregnant with my first child and i just feel so so blessed. this has been quite a tumultuous period in my life, because i have been trying so desperately to take some time off from traveling and have some time to nest in my new home with my fiancé, but previous contractual obligations have made that kind of difficult! i finally get to stay home this month and then next month press for re3 starts, so its off to europe and japan with my big belly and aching back!
i wanted to write you guys a letter a few weeks ago, but after taking 6 flights in 5 days, i got back to los angeles sick as a dog, with the worst cough and stuffed up nose which usually doesn't deter me from going about my life and work, seeing as that i normally stuff my face with as much medication as is physically safe for me to take! only being pregnant, you're not allowed any of these miraculous substances (and believe me, when you can't take them, they seem like one of god's small miracles!), so i had to fight it all by myself and it was just awful! thank god for paul and his amazing cups of ginger tea with honey!
i can feel her moving. that feeling is like nothing else in this world, i truly understand now how motherhood changes women. to imagine that little body forming, to see her in my mind nestled inside me, floating in her own little self contained eco sphere makes me feel so special. like i know some incredible secret about life that always eluded me in the past. my little tiny baby just right there, no matter what i do or where i go, she is always right there and now i can feel her.
it's funny cause when i couldn't feel her, it almost didn't feel totally real. i could see that i was changing in the mirror, but i wasn't sure how i was changing in my mind, but now everyday she just gets stronger and stronger, her movements are so present -like something turning in my belly doing somersaults or something- that i can't help but start dreaming about our future together and all the things i want to show her. i want to be there for her whenever she needs me, i want to take her all over the world and show her all the amazing places through my eyes, especially mongolia, peru, nepal. places that will give her a totally different view of reality. i want her to be in yoga and martial arts classes from like birth! i don't ever want her to know what being stiff feels like! i want to take her up into the mountains in the snow, i want her to climb pyramids and love this earth, so she can help the next generation preserve it. i want to take her to see the african national parks, show her how special this world is. how special she is to be alive in this world. i feel that once i see her, my own reality will come to a grinding halt and everything will just fall into perspective...
i started doing pre-natal yoga and that has been really great, besides sharing funny stories with other moms, its really given me a chance to spend some quality time each day focusing on my growing body and my daughter. its weird but when you get really busy sometimes, days go by and you realize that you haven't really spent much time just focusing on what's going on with you. so i needed to just create time for myself to just stop everything. besides the fact that my lower back is killing me and it feels so good to stretch and get my blood flowing through all the sore bits! i highly recommend it for any mommies or mommies to be who might be reading this!
my mom is obsessed! she feels like because my daughter will be born a scorpio, that they are soul mates and she will be my mom's ally! lol! she's convinced that her grand daughter will be exactly like her! it's so hilarious because of course she's implying that i am not! thank goodness! she already wrote the baby a letter telling her what an incredible connection they have and how alike they are, a little wishful thinking, huh? it's too cute. i told her i was kind of jealous, i mean she never wrote ME such a sweet and thoughtful letter! lol! i feel if i'm not careful i might not see my child till she's in college, unless its in a movie or magazine of course cause grandma is sure that my daughter will be a movie star! lol! she's a good soul my mom and she means well, as long as my daughter is happy, grandma is welcome to enroll her into acting class! lol! but, there will be no forcing of any career on my child if she doesn't want it.
i woke up really early this morning and had my cup of tea out in the back garden. we live nestled into a mountain and if you're careful and quiet, you can see wildlife everywhere! we get this amazing family of deer coming through everyday and i wanted to get up early to catch a glimpse of them. i went out, but they weren't around at first, so went to the kitchen, made tea and got a bowl of cereal before i went back out and there they were! a mama deer and her baby, eating our plants and fruit trees! they were a bit startled at first and baby ran up into the hillside to hide, but his mom stood her ground as we both froze and stared at one another. this lasted quite some time before she relaxed, saw that i wasn't coming any closer and finally just continued to eat! it was so incredible to feel that she trusted me and wasn't going to run! after a while, baby came down as well and they wandered around, grazing on the different flowers and bushes. it was the most magical feeling and all i could think of was how great it was going to be to do this with my daughter at some point soon!
thank you guys again for all your continued support and interest in all my endeavors! i am truly so blessed in having all of you around thinking of me from time to time and sending me good feelings and prayers once in a while! i can't wait to show my little baby girl this website and all the interesting people on it and when she learns how to type, she'll be sending you her own messages! i send you all so much happiness and health in all that you do! all the best to you!
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